By: Rob Botts
Forget Halloween horror movies on all Hallow’s Eve everybody. They’re nothing compared to the absolute horror a baller in the NBA has to face on a nightly basis. Let’s take a stroll down “Hoopy Hollow” for some truly terrifying scenarios!
Lebron James rampaging like a werewolf under the full moon as he lines up his next unsuspecting victim attempting to lay the ball up and in. But with a swift flick of his claws he quickly swats, deflates and devours the shot in one juicy leap.
Gregg Popovich leans back against the wall post game, letting his inner Hannibal Lector come to the surface. Surrounded by his favorite snacks, I mean reporters, who ask undeniably dumb questions, Pop wonders if a Chianti is really the right choice to devour their livers when accompanying the meal with some Fava beans.
The Durantula’s long three point webs are spun with incredible twine sticking accuracy, that the new Golden State Warrior ends up overwhelming his victims. Each one of his long legged leaps to the rim leaves everyone on his menu.
Durant’s running mate Stephen Curry is a child-man of the night. This shaking and cold blooded dribbling and deep, three point bite has drained all who have stood in his way. Arena after arena he has left them bone dry and searching for the neatest blood bank.
Who knew Sacramento’s cowbell land had a Camp Crystal Lake nearby. Just who is the man behind the hockey mask unleashing absolute destruction upon every single opposing center who dares attempt to get in his way? Why that would be non other than Kings center DeMarcus Cousins. “Dunk, dunk, dunk, ha-ha-ha!”
Wherever there is Camp Crystal Lake, there must be an Elm street. It’s just nobody knew it was located in Oklahoma City. Russell “Freddy Krueger” Westbrook has wrecked havoc on anyone who has ventured into his Elm street neighborhood while they were awake trying to ball with him.
If you hear that low, even toned grunting noise accompanying a slow lethargic drag of a walk in or around Madison Square Garden, you just might have seen “FrankenNoah.” With so many injuries he has been put back together with spare parts by his crazy mad scientist GM Phil Jackson.
Alfred Hitchcock had everybody running in terror in his classic horror film, “The Birds.” Sadly down in New Orleans the Pelicans are having that same effect on their fans as they run for the exits leaving Anthony Davis with “Sad Nest Syndrome.”
The valley of the zombies has the city of Phoenix under quarantine. This team was DOA from the jump. Dead starting five. Dead bench. Dead head coach. Dead wrong if anybody there thinks they will even remotely come close to the playoffs this season. Elbows to their balling dead heads anyone?
Happy Halloween everybody!