Is Breanna Stewart an Alien?

Breanna Stewart is an absolute monstar at basketball, but what species is she?

(TL;DR Breanna Stewart is for sure an alien that needs to be looked at by medical professionals and it should probably be illegal for her to be in the WNBA)

Breanna Stewart is just 24 years old, yet she’s been one of the best players on earth for about 6 years now. What she did this WNBA season and so far in the playoffs is literally not fair. I’d like to call 911 on her but I’m too afraid that she’d break out of jail and hit a 3-pointer right in my face. There’s been a lot of talk about how incredible Diana Taurasi was in Game 2, and rightfully so, but not enough has been made about Breanna Stewart’s brilliance all year even though she just won the MVP. I mean, she did drop 27 in the overtime win while playing freaking 41 minutes.


Furthermore, it’s easy for someone to be overlooked when they’re on the same team as Sue Freaking Bird, but Breanna Stewart just hasn’t gotten the praise she deserves. I also think she might be an alien, so she deserves a little more attention for that alone. I have reasons for why I believe this.

Let’s go back to her college days at UConn. In her freshman year she led the Huskies to the championship and won player of the tournament AS A FRESHMAN. When was the last time a human being did such nonsense? She went on to do that again her sophomore year… and junior year… and senior year… No human should be that good and that great of a leader as a freshman in college and then maintain a level head. Unless of course she isn’t a human and possesses powers that only humans can dream of having?

Her mystique of course carried on into her WNBA career. As a rookie she won rookie of the year and was runner-up to the Defensive Player of the year. Again, do humans do that?

Her most recent suspicious activity took place this very year, once again in Seattle. This year she went from being one of the best to THE best. She average 21.8 points and 8.4 rebounds per game this year while leading the Storm to the first place record in the league. Now, up 2-0 in a best of 5 series against the Mercury, she looks to drive the final dagger into the heart of Phoenix fans. She has the clutch experience from her time at UConn (and time on another planet) necessary to lead the charge. If she’s cold-blooded in Game 3 like I think she will be, it will just be proof that she isn’t human because humans are warm-blooded creature. I, for one, am sure that she is indeed an alien.


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Lucas Johnson
About Lucas Johnson 17 Articles
Just trying to be human version of my cat.
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