By: Rob Botts

As Mr. Mark Cuban and his power cohorts are busy transferring funds, updating their power statuses on social networks only reserved for the uber-wealthy, the last contender for the day walks into the show room on this episode of “Shark Tank.” Cuban, furiously tweeting about some obscure NBA rule that should be reinstated while blasting the new Commish for not moving his team into the inferior Eastern Conference as soon as possible, failed to notice his colleagues eye balling him and waiting. Finally, the Cigar himself, pauses while self congratulating himself on a particularly witty comment, notices that there is one Boston Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge, standing before him.

AINGE: “I’ve got a product that can really help your business.”

CUBAN: “Hey Danny…Thanks for coming out but I’ve got to warn you, I just invested in these sweaters from this kid out of Uruguay that massages your shoulders with just a slight squeezing of the inner sleeves..Love massages..”

AINGE: “You know why I’m here.”

CUBAN: “Sorry Danny…I’m drawing a blank…”

AINGE: “I’m here to give you what you want..finally.”

CUBAN: “Nobody gives anybody anything in business chief…Other than Kevin McHale’s KG gift to you seasons back or the Logo’s gift from the Memphis Grizzlies to Mitch Kupchak and that awful franchise in Los Angeles…Ugh….The Lakers…They moved from the land of Lakes in Minnesota YEARS ago….They’re by the ocean. Talk about false advertising. You know, I think I just might have a case for some type of false advertising lawsuit or something….”

AINGE: “Mark, I appreciate your purple and gold anger just as much as anybody but, I’m here to “give,” and what I mean by “give” is take half your team and some draft choices for your favorite little troublemaker point guard..”

CUBAN(wide eyed): “Rondo???”

AINGE: “You got it pal. Interested?”

Cuban pops out of his throne and scratches out a quick trade proposal on the back of one of his custom made Mark Cuban trading cards and Danny signs it. Trade done. Rajon Rondo, pick up your ten gallon hat and cowboy boots at the window on your way out of chowder city……

Mr. Shark himself loves to take chances. He has amassed more money than any of us could dream of and owns a professional basketball team because of that mantra. Almost all of the most successful people on this planet take chances. Big chances..They go for it…The rest of us? Ummmm…Well, hey….Now that I think about it, yours truly is a chance taker! That milk expired days ago and I STILL downed every cow provided drop!

The Cigar knows he needs help. And he needs help at the floor general position especially. Have you seen the gentlemen taking the floor recently for the point guard position in the Western Conference?

Russell Westbrook

Chris Paul

Damian Lillard

James Harden(point guard-ish)

Tony Parker

Steph Curry

Mike Conley Jr.

Goran Dragic

Ty Lawson

Ricky Rubio

Now Cuban has his man. But who exactly does he have? Well, if you ask anybody in the great city of Boston, they will give the following breakdown…They will tell you he is one of the most talented, sneaky, exhilarating, frustrating, entertaining, maddening, players ever to grace the parquet floor. He will bring tremendous on-the-ball hawk-like defense with those “Go-Go Gadget” arms and his master flopping technique. He will bring his patent pending fake behind the back, wrap around pass or finish with a lay in off the window move. He will bring his fantastic court vision and spread the ball around to all his teammates. However, he will also bring an attitude that is like rubbing a cat the wrong way wearing a rubber glove covered in glue. He will also bring with him a striking resemblance to a five-year-old holding his breath and pouting in the corner. While holding said breath, he brings that brick laying heave from the elbow that has no business calling itself a jump shot.

But, it is worth the gamble. The west is brutal and Mr. Dirk Diggler’s (Nowitzki) career is on the back 9. Rajon Rondo has shooters everywhere who will love to run to their favorite spots, just salivating for a Spaulding sandwich to be served up. He will hit Chandler Parsons for a pull-up three in transition or for a quick fast break finish at the rim. He’ll hit Dirk in the post for his one legged fall away. He will drive, draw the defense and laser a pass out to Ellis for a sweet J. He will be throwing Tyson Chandler many an alley-oop to help them build their own “Lob Saloon.”

Jim Carrey (Rick Carlisle) is the perfect coach for Rondo as well. He is tough and smart. Just like Doc Rivers, who melded his game years ago. They will fit “Like a glove!!!!!” (Ace Ventura, Pet Detective).

Mark Cuban has done it again. He has taken ANOTHER chance. And in the west, all you can ask for is an owner that gives you a chance, creates excitement and anticipation for everyone involved…..just waiting with baited breath to see if Cuban’s gamble will pay off. Now that’s juice. Move to the Eastern Conference Mark? Not a chance….

Rob Botts
About Rob Botts 104 Articles
How’s it going? I’m Rob Botts, a Boston native currently living in Los Angeles California. I’m a published writer, cartoonist, actor, former college basketball player (Div. III… don’t get too excited), and former coach of summer sports camps back in New England. I’m incredibly passionate about sports and in particular the National Basketball Association (NBA). I publish a weekly comic strip entitled “Boston Bobby” that follows the daily trials and tribulations of this crazy Boston sports fan. I may be very level headed, but my cartoon alter ego is not. My favorite teams are, of course, the Pats, Celtics, Bruins, Red Sox and the Revs…Yes, I follow soccer too—from afar. Let’s talk some sports!!!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.