Does the Devil Play Sports-Or Just his phone?

By: Jeffrey Newholm

My dad made a peculiar observation a few days ago-that someone who looked like the devil played for the Toronto Raptors. Well, first of all I looked up the Raptors roster and the closest I could come to the devil was this man:

Does this man look like the devil? No-he looks like Ivan Drago, the Russian and friend of America Rocky knocked out long ago. But my dad’s observation got me wondering-does the devil play sports, or just his phone? Photo credit: Pac-12 Athletics.

I think it’s safe the say the devil doesn’t play Basketball, but sadly he probably is a professional athlete out there somewhere. But just who is the devil? I don’t think it’s any one person-it’s any human being who consists of pure evil and hatred for all of mankind. And surely the devil, living now in the 21st century, is a wizard with modern technology, and owns an enchanted smartphone. And again I have to give credit to ingenious game maker Capcom. The devil’s phone doubles as a human being, and he has a name. His name-and Gate’s bodyguard in X6-is Hi-Max.

Meet Hi-Max, a monster of a human being hell-bent on enslaving America to the maze of modern technology, hospital red tape, and unending confusion of who, or what, really runs our great country. And worst of all–the Hi-Max computer memory program can, and will be, passed like a baton several time before Gate can secure it. Photo credit: Mega Man Knowledge Base.

Who is Hi-Max right now? As best as I can tell, he’s being phased out of North Central Positronics, the nefarious North American technology company, and being reassigned to an even worse organization. And it’s not hard to guess who-he’ll soon work for the U.S. Government, AKA “Cyberdyne” of terminator infamy. Cyberdyne, once the government makes enough progress in the extremely dark art of decades-backward time travel, will use Hi-Max’s help to program the dreaded terminator and robocop to kill millions, both in the present day and retroactively. So to answer my own question, I do think the devil plays sports-but thankfully just for fun. But Hi-Max, the jack of all trades and master of none, plays the game of destiny to win. So what does he play? Everything. Which means that, yes, it does matter who wins a sporing event, and God does care. It’s just so darn to know who to root for sometimes!

You can follow me on Twitter @Jeffrey Newholm and our blog at @NutsandBoltsSP.

 

Jeffrey Newholm
About Jeffrey Newholm 84 Articles
Jeff is a UW-Whitewater grad (winter 2013). His first love was d3 college football, but over the last few years he has become a fan of woman’s basketball.
Contact: Twitter

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